Tuesday, August 31, 2010

now i'm tired

It's now 3:04am. I couldn't fall asleep an hour ago. After spending about 35 minutes figuring out a name and URL for my blog, I can probably close my eyes and drift off now. I'm a bit hungry, though.

I came across the word "impermanence" while doing research on fireflies. A firefly, or vagalume (in Portuguese), is my capoeira namesake. I've never seen fireflies before. Apparently, fireflies are found in warm, humid areas of the world. Growing up in Houston, I'm surprised I never experienced walking in a field full of little glowing beetles.

Anyways, Wikipedia is a bit like "Six Degrees of Separation." After looking up "fireflies," I learned of "bioluminescence," but couldn't find a way to fit the word into a blog describing how my life is right now. Going back to "fireflies" I jumped to a Wiki page on the anime "Grave of the Fireflies," which referenced mature fireflies having a short lifespan and is considered a symbol of "impermanence." Apparently, impermanence is one of the essential doctrines of existence in Buddhism and refers to human life (conditioned existence) as always in a constant state of flux.

Perfect. "impermanence." http://conditionedexistence.blogspot.com

An hour ago I couldn't fall asleep because it was hard to believe how so much can change in such a short period of time. A week ago I was a banker at Wells Fargo. Now, I'm unemployed. It's been more than a decade since I have been without a job. This moment in my life is definitely challenging to cope with, but I strongly sense it is not without purpose. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason.

It's now 3:39am. Good night.

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