Sunday, November 28, 2010

new beginnings

It's been a while since my last post. More than a month. I feel a lot has happened since then. Many of my previous posts were a result of not being able to fall asleep at night. I'm not having any problems falling asleep lately. My mind has been at ease. Even right now, at 11:05pm, I can close my eyes and drift away if I wanted to. Before I do, I feel I should record the moment before the week I start my new job begins.

Yes, that's right. New job. Was it from the job interview from my last post?


As with many of the events in my life, the opportunity came out of nowhere.

And for this, I am grateful.

Grateful for the job? Sure. Absolutely.

However, I am more grateful for the way it happened: Unexpectedly.

As I embark on this new journey (sounds cliché, I know) with feelings of anxiety and excitement, I can't help but wonder what comes next.

I know great things do not happen without hard work; without preparation and planning; without trial and error; without blood, sweat and tears; without periods of joy and periods of sadness; without moments of reconnection and revitalization; and without pain and suffering.

I know whatever comes next will be so wonderful and beautiful, it surely will be a result of overcoming a new series of challenges and tribulations...and it won't be easy.

With eager anticipation and excitement, I can't wait.

I'll be ready, because as the very funny and very wise Conan O'Brien said earlier this year, "If you work really hard and are kind, amazing things will happen."

It's now 12:23am. Good night. The last day of my three-month vacation is tomorrow and, look at me, I'm actually looking forward to get back to work.

Oh, and congrats on your new show, Conan. I'm right there with you. New beginnings, indeed.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

estagiário a graduado

Good news: I have an interview tomorrow.

Bad news: I can't fall asleep early like I planned.

Bloggin' may help clear and ease my mind enough to help me doze off once I close my laptop and turn off the lights...

What's been goin' on since my last post? Well, I did graduate to a new cord in my capoeira group. I finally feel I'm really part of the Capoeira Brasil Los Angeles family. It's my first cord from Mestre Boneco and, of course, comes with more responsibility and dedication.

The first couple of days after the batizado I felt a lot of pressure to prove, mostly to myself, I can handle the expectations that come with wearing a red/blue cord. The pressure has subsided a little, but I will continue to do my best to serve as an example to other students.

It's now 11:30 and I'm gonna try to get some sleep. The original title of this blog was "Out of Touch" when I started, but changed it. I'll get back to it later.

Monday, September 27, 2010

dex, lies & videotape

Haven't updated my blog in a while. My excuse? Taking a break. From everything.

Well, not exactly everything. Capoeira has been a bit of a focus lately. The batizado is fast approaching. The event starts Tuesday to be exact. I'm pretty sure everyone I train with all have the same feelings right now: excitement, anxiety, nervousness and perhaps a little bit of doubt.

I'm not going to lie to myself. I know what I want at the end of this week. Question is: Why do I have doubt? Before I continue, let me try my best to bridge a connection to a show that happened to premiere it's fifth season earlier tonight: Dexter.

Now, I've only watched the show up until the Season 2 episode: Dex, Lies & Videotape (hence the title) so I didn't have the privilege of enjoying the beginning of the latest season with the rest of the viewing public. Actually, I just finished watching this episode a couple of minutes ago. (Thanks to my cousin, VJ, for lending me his Season 2 set.)

Perhaps largely due to the narrative format of the show itself, I've found myself relating my life to Dexter's Season 2 tribulations. Now I'm not implying aspects of Dexter's life mirror my own (breathe a sigh of relief, everybody) but his last line of this episode "Maybe I am leaving the old me behind," resonated enough for me to blog my thoughts tonight.

I have to take steps to do the same thing: Leave the "old" me behind.

The old me has the unfortunate habit of waiting for the "right" time to do something. However, when is it ever the right time to do anything? Furthermore, why can't the right time to do something be right NOW?

Earlier this year I've been telling myself, "I'm going to wait until after this year (2010) is over before I start pursuing a new career."

or "I'm only going to open my heart again when I know it won't get hurt this time."

or "I'm going to train harder when it's getting closer to the batizado."

Why wait?

I know great things will happen when everything you've done in preparation for your goals falls into place. But why wait to find the right time to set everything in motion? Why not constantly work on the things that will eventually result in what I want in my life?

So whatever happens at the end of this week...happens.

But from now on, I need to leave the old me behind and start living everyday with thoughts in my mind that go a little something like this:

"Today I am going to __________, because NOW is the right time to do it."

Oh, and that little break I've been taking that I mentioned earlier? It's over.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

need to slow down, capoeira and family guy

Quality over quantity.

I know job searching nowadays can be a numbers game, so I've been submitting resumes in response to numerous postings one after the other. I'm going to have to slow it down.

I've come across positions for an assistant/office manager position for several design studios, which is a great way to get my foot in the door. To save time, I've been cutting, pasting, copying all the previous text from different cover letters I've used and making slight changes to reflect the specific job I'm applying for. In most of the variations of cover letters, I mention I'm very detail-oriented. When creating a draft of an email in Gmail the formatting appears okay but when the email is actually sent, the pasted text kept the same format from Word. So when the recruiter opens my email with all the different text sizes and fonts in my cover letter, he/she is probably thinking "Detail-oriented my ass."

Lesson learned: Take the time to carefully type each cover letter with care. Using the same information from previous letters is okay, but triple-check for relevance, formatting and don't mention the Fashion industry when you're clearly applying for a position in a Marketing firm.

Capoeira class was good today. Esstylo has a knack for demonstrating different transitions between kicks and floor movements with a focus on displacing oneself. I'm not a big fan of being on top of my head, though. It's always nice to see a good head-spin in a game, but I personally would like to be able to spin on my hand instead.

I'm thankful Mestre is very understanding and supportive. I explained to him my current situation and my need to save money, so he agreed to lower my monthly dues from $125 to $98. I know it's only $27, but every little bit helps.

My capoeira family as a whole is one huge support group. During the warm-ups of the class on the day I lost my job, I looked around while stretching and realized how much I enjoy training with everyone in the room. Los Angeles is considered one of the toughest cities for job seekers, but at that moment I promised myself to do everything I can to stay here. My goal for at least the next six months is to avoid a situation in which I may be financially forced to move back home. I like it here and I don't want to have to leave so soon.

When I started this blog entry Family Guy was on. It's such a stupid show and it never fails to give me a couple of laughs at the end of my day. In one of the episodes, Stewie had transported the cast of Star Trek to his room and spent the rest of the day with them like he was their babysitter. In the same episode, Brian mentions to a God-loving Meg that he is an atheist. Stupid, stupid stuff.

It's now 1:55am. I'm gonna get some sleep earlier tonight and not around 4am like last night.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

now i'm tired

It's now 3:04am. I couldn't fall asleep an hour ago. After spending about 35 minutes figuring out a name and URL for my blog, I can probably close my eyes and drift off now. I'm a bit hungry, though.

I came across the word "impermanence" while doing research on fireflies. A firefly, or vagalume (in Portuguese), is my capoeira namesake. I've never seen fireflies before. Apparently, fireflies are found in warm, humid areas of the world. Growing up in Houston, I'm surprised I never experienced walking in a field full of little glowing beetles.

Anyways, Wikipedia is a bit like "Six Degrees of Separation." After looking up "fireflies," I learned of "bioluminescence," but couldn't find a way to fit the word into a blog describing how my life is right now. Going back to "fireflies" I jumped to a Wiki page on the anime "Grave of the Fireflies," which referenced mature fireflies having a short lifespan and is considered a symbol of "impermanence." Apparently, impermanence is one of the essential doctrines of existence in Buddhism and refers to human life (conditioned existence) as always in a constant state of flux.

Perfect. "impermanence."

An hour ago I couldn't fall asleep because it was hard to believe how so much can change in such a short period of time. A week ago I was a banker at Wells Fargo. Now, I'm unemployed. It's been more than a decade since I have been without a job. This moment in my life is definitely challenging to cope with, but I strongly sense it is not without purpose. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason.

It's now 3:39am. Good night.